Let’s face it, talking about puberty can be as awkward for our kids as it is for us. Right?
But it’s an important conversation to help them feel more confident and prepared for the changes ahead.
Puberty is a natural part of growing up, and it’s coming for every girl and boy on the planet. So, let’s jump straight in and make sure your child feels informed, prepared, and anything but confused!
Why It’s Important To Start Early
Starting these conversations early, even before puberty hits, helps break the ice and reduce anxiety for both us and our kids. By the time physical changes start, our children already have some idea of what’s happening to their bodies, making the conversation a little easier.
The upside of these conversations include:
- Less anxiety: When kids know what to expect, they feel more prepared and less afraid when their bodies start changing.
- Builds trust: Open conversations about puberty show our kiddos that we’re a safe person to confide in.
- Accurate info: As adults, we must ensure our kids are given the right information from the start instead of relying on misinformation from friends.
Weaving these little chats into everyday conversations (where appropriate, of course) helps remove the stigma of this “cringey” subject and makes kids realise there’s nothing wrong with talking about these sorts of natural things that are part of growing up.
But remember, talks about puberty aren’t a once-off thing – you can’t have one big conversation and think you’re done. While we don’t want to overwhelm our children with too much info off the bat, keep the conversation going as they grow. For instance, you might discuss growth spurts, hair growth, and mood swings before talking about menstruation.
When does puberty start?
On average, puberty starts:
- Girls = between 8 and 14 years old
- Boys = between 9 and 15 years old
However, some kids may start puberty earlier than others (known as precocious puberty), so you might need to start talking about it sooner than you think.
How To Prepare For The Conversation
Knowing when and how to speak to our children about puberty makes the conversation a whole lot easier – here’s how:
Timing is key
- Choose the right time: Pick a time when you’re both relaxed and won’t be interrupted, stressed, or in a hurry. As mentioned, try to weave these chats into everyday conversations to avoid formal “we need to talk” discussions.
For instance, you might get your daughter to help you with your online shopping, and you casually add feminine hygiene products to your cart – sparking a natural conversation about puberty.
- Find a comfortable spot: Choose a comfortable and familiar place to talk to your child about puberty and growing up. This might be a cosy corner on the couch while drinking tea, a walk in the park, or in their bedroom. Avoid public places like the grocery store or gaming arcade.
Be prepared
As with anything in life, preparation is key. So before you dive headfirst into puberty talks, it’s best to gather a few tools to help you. Here are our suggestions:
Age-appropriate books
Depending on your kid’s age, look for books that explain puberty in a way that’s easy for your child to understand. You can find loads of books on this subject on Amazon – some that you can read to your kids and others for them to read themselves.
Online resources
To give your kids the most accurate information, looking online can help:
- Understanding Puberty, KidsHealth
- Parent Resources, Puberty: The Wonder Years
- Puberty, MedlinePlus
- Talking to children about puberty, Children and Family Health Surrey
- Dads talking to daughters about menstruation, Mayoclinic
- Twinkl has kid-friendly worksheets, images, and PowerPoint explanations to guide you.
Educational videos
- Growing Up with Yasmine and Tom is an animated online series that teaches about the changing adolescent body.
- Amaze has cartoon videos for children ages 8-12.
- Bloom Playbooks are interactive play-based puberty kits that teach children about puberty and sexuality.
- Amaze Jr has tons of short child-appropriate podcasts that teach kids everything from where babies come from to sexuality.
Top tip: Puberty: The Wonder Years, offers a Puberty Course for Parents (if you really want to get the most bang for your buck!).
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What To Talk About
Now that you have a plan for when and how to start the conversation, let’s dive into what to discuss.
While it might feel awkward for both you and your child, your approach and tone can make a big difference.
For example, if parents seem uncomfortable or embarrassed discussing topics like periods or penises, it can send a message to kids that these things are shameful or taboo – which is NOT the goal here. We want our kids to feel comfortable enough to [open up about their feelings], their [first relationship] or [job] and puberty!
Boys
- Physical changes: Talk about how boys’ bodies change, such as the deepening of their voice, acne, increase in body and facial hair, and growth spurts brought on by the influx of testosterone.
- Timing: Explain that some lads may develop quicker than others. For instance, your son might be a late bloomer compared to his peers, and it’s still totally normal if he starts puberty as late as 15. Always support and reassure him that these changes are part of growing up and happen when his body is ready.
- Arousal: When boys start becoming young men, their bodies will experience changes that lead to sexual arousal, such as erections, “wet dreams”, masturbation, and more interest in romantic relationships and physical intimacy.
Some physical changes to discuss with boys include:
- Growth spurts – increased height and weight.
- Increased facial hair – a.k.a. “bumfluff” on their chin and upper lip.
- Muscle development – wider shoulders, defined muscles.
- Voice changes – development of their Adam’s apple.
- Increased sweating – and the time to start using deodorant!
- Genital development – boys’ testicles and penises begin to grow and mature.
Girls
- Physical changes: Talk about how girls’ bodies naturally change to become young women. This includes chatting about their first period, how their breasts grow (and which training bras to buy!), and how their hips start to widen. Always be supportive, as these changes can be frightening, especially for younger girls.
- Timing: The average age for girls to start menstruation is around 12 years old, but they can start as young as nine or as late as 15. Explain how everyone’s body develops differently.
Some physical changes you can discuss with girls include:
- Growth spurts – increase in height and weight.
- Rounded body – girls tend to be more “round” in the hips, bum, and boobs.
- Breast development – girls first start developing “buds” under their nipples which can be sore and tender. This is often when they get their first training bra.
- Increased hair growth – armpits, legs, pubic area.
- Skin changes – teens are more prone to acne during puberty.
- Increased sweating – explain how hormones trigger sweat glands and how body odour is a thing.
- Menstruation – the most significant change for any young girl. Explain how sanitary pads and tampons work and why personal hygiene is so important.
Emotional changes
Puberty can bring a whirlwind of emotions for both boys and girls, so it’s important to talk about:
- Mood swings: Explain that it’s normal for raging hormones like testosterone and oestrogen to cause mood swings and increased irritability.
- Body image: Some kids might have a hard time learning to love their new bodies, especially if they’re influenced by social media and their peers. Reassure your kid that their body is changing naturally and that they should focus on other strengths rather than just their appearance.
- Self-esteem: Remind your youngster that they are loved, no matter how their body changes. If they’re having a tough time, help them develop healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with family and friends to take their minds off it.
Parent Tip: Puberty Q&A
Here are a few common questions about puberty (and how to answer them!):
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| Girls: What is this hard lump in my boob? | Those small lumps are forming behind your nipples as you are becoming a woman – and they’re totally normal! They might be a bit sore now, but the pain will subside soon. |
| Girls: What is this white stuff in my pants? | That’s called discharge and helps keep your vagina clean and healthy. It usually happens before you start your first period. |
| Boys: Why is my penis so small (or so large)? | Explain how penises come in different shapes and sizes and how boys develop at different rates. |
| Boys: Does puberty make you think about sex? | It’s normal to think about sex when going through puberty as your body is dealing with these new hormones. It’s often a time when teens may feel confused, but it’s totally normal. |
| Both: Why do I have hair down there? | Hair around your penis or vagina is all part of growing up. It is usually fair and soft now but will eventually become darker and coarser as you get older. |
| Both: Why do my armpits smell? | Your body starts developing body odour during puberty as there are loads of new hormones. This means it’s time to start using deodorant every day. |
Keep The Conversation Going
Parents must constantly tweak their approach around the topic of puberty with their kids. As they grow, their bodies will experience different changes at different times. For instance, young girls will develop little lumps before they develop breasts, while boys may experience body odour and acne before they experience their first erection.
And it’s totally normal for kids to develop at different speeds. Some might start changing earlier, while others take a bit longer. It’s really important to support your kids and let them know there’s no rush – everyone’s journey is unique.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Have an “open door policy”: Let your child know they can come to you with any puberty questions without the fear of judgement, no matter how silly or embarrassed it makes them feel. Create a safe and supportive environment where they can express themselves freely.
- Check-ins: Check in with your child regularly to see how they’re feeling and coping with the changes they are experiencing. While we’re not saying you need to talk about pubic hair and pimples every single day, perhaps touch base with them every other week.
The Conversation Continues
Congratulations, you’ve managed to get through this (often cringe-worthy) topic like a pro!
By having open, honest, age-appropriate conversations about puberty, you’re equipping your kid with the right information about the natural changes they’ll experience as they grow up.
From discussing facial hair and croaky voices to explaining periods and training bras, we’ve covered all the bases to help make this conversation a little easier.
Remember, these chats shouldn’t be formal discussions but rather woven into everyday life to strengthen the bond with our kids and provide the support they need during their awkward adolescent years.
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Please leave any thoughts, tips or suggestions in the comments below – we’re navigating this puberty saga together!
We’d love to hear what you think…
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