Please put your shoes on.
Put your shoes on.
I’m counting to three for you to put your shoes on.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, PUT YOUR SHOES ON!
Sound familiar?
There’s nothing quite like sounding like a broken record when repeating the same instruction for the fifteenth time before we explode.
Parents often wonder how their kids have the ability to hear the crinkle of a crisp packet from a mile away but tend to have selective hearing when standing right next to them.
The struggle is real. And you’re not alone.
But not all is lost. There is light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.
In this guide, we’ll look at six practical, frustration-free ways to get your kids to listen on the first go.
Let’s jump in.
Tip #1: Get Their Attention Before You Speak
Kids are pro-zone-out artists. They’re not deliberately ignoring you (most of the time); they’re just completely engrossed in whatever they are doing, be it watching Peppa Pig or examining a fascinating bit of fluff on the carpet.
It’s nothing personal. Their little brains are just wired to hyperfocus on whatever has caught their interest. Like when we’re scrolling through our phone and our partner asks where the car keys are…
Try this instead
When you want to give instructions, pop over to where your children are, get down to their level and gently touch their shoulder. Make eye contact, use their name and then deliver your pearls of wisdom. It’s like hitting the reset button, bringing kids back into focus.
Simple, yet effective!
Tip #2: Swap ‘Don’t’ For ‘Do’ Statements
Parents are rather fond of telling their children what NOT to do.
“Don’t jump on the sofa.”
“Don’t kick that ball in the house.”
“Don’t yell at your sister.”
But here’s the thing: youngsters’ brains process positive instructions far more effectively than negative ones. When kids hear what they should do instead of being told off, they’re more likely to follow through.
Try this instead
Flip your language to focus on what your kids should be doing. Instead of “Don’t run inside!” try “Use your walking feet in the house.”
It’s a bit like when your partner says “Don’t forget the milk”. What’s that one thing you forgot at the shops? Milk.
Tip #3: Be Direct And Keep It Short
Some parents can lack clarity or waffle when giving their children instructions. It’s just how it goes.
We explain, justify our explanations, and even end up explaining the consequences of not doing what we explained in the first place. Before we know it, we’ve delivered a 10-minute TED talk on the importance of putting away bits of LEGO.
Meanwhile, our kid is mentally checked out, already on their next train of thought.
Try this instead
Keep instructions short and sweet. It’s as easy as that.
Instead of “Put your shoes on, fill up your water bottle, grab your coat and pack your bag as we need to get to Tesco before football training”, start with one clear instruction at a time, like “Put your shoes on”.
Short. Clear. To the point.
Tip #4: Offer Limited Choices
No one likes being bossed around, including kids! Even the most well-mannered little cherub can become a gremlin when they feel they have no control over their world. One minute, they’re angelic; the next, they’re having a major meltdown because you dared suggest they wear a coat in December.
The secret sauce? Giving little ones a sense of control can do them (and your sanity!) wonders, as it helps reduce the urge to fight you on all accounts.
If you break it down, we adults face hundreds of decisions every single day: what to wear, what to eat and which email to respond to first. But our kids? Their lives are largely dictated by adult rules and schedules. No wonder they dig their heels in at every opportunity!
Give them a bit of space. Let them decide (within reason, of course!).
Try this instead
This might be one of the best parenting hacks we’ve seen: Giving kids the illusion of control while getting them to do exactly what you want.
How so?
Instead of just saying “Put your jacket on”, you can offer options like “Do you want to wear your pink jacket or the purple one today?”.
You guessed it, the kid ends up with a jacket on. End of story.
Tip #5: Be A Role Model In The Listening Department
This might sound like an obvious one but being a role model for the kiddos may be harder than it seems.
Think about it: has your child ever spoken to you while you’re cooking dinner or typing an email? How much information did you take in? If kids see us “half-listening”, why should they do any different?
The trick? Practice what you preach. Yep, this means stop what you’re doing for a minute, make eye contact and really listen to what they have to say. By doing so, your kids will likely follow suit.
Essentially, we need to show them how it’s done.
Remember, children mirror behaviour. If they see us listening, well, you know the rest!
Try this instead
Show kids what good listening looks like. When they talk to you about their day at school, really pay attention to them and respond to what they are saying. This simple yet effective approach shows them you’re engaged.
Not only does this teach them good communication skills, but they’re also likely to extend the courtesy to you and others as well!
Tip #6: Use The ‘One-Word’ Trick
If you ever feel like a broken record, constantly repeating yourself until you’re blue in the face, this little hack might just be your new best friend. And it only requires you to say one word (yes, seriously!).
We’ve all been there, standing in the kitchen delivering the same speech about brushing teeth or doing homework for the umpteenth time. Our kids? They’ve mastered the art of filtering out your voice like the background hum of a busy coffee shop.
So, what’s the solution? Enter the one-word reminder.
Try this instead
Replace lengthy reminders with a single word. Rather than saying, “I’ve told you a hundred times to clean your room”, simply say “Room!”. Instead of saying, “I’ve asked you three times to put your coat on”, just say “Coat.” Get it?
One-word reminders are pure magic. They are calm, clear and far less exhausting than full sentences. You can even pair your command with a stinging glance (like our mums did back in the day!).
The Conversation Continues
Getting kids to listen without resorting to shouting or bribing isn’t impossible. It just requires a few small tweaks in how we communicate. By being clear, direct and respectful in our approach, we can reduce family friction and the daily battle of wills much easier.
Will these tips work every time? Probably not. But they’ll certainly improve your odds of being heard the first time. What do you have to lose?
So go on, give them a try. Your vocal cords (and sanity!) will thank you for it.
Pop any suggestions or tips into the comments section below.
