Dealing With Tantrums: A Guide For Toddlers And Young Children

Spoiler alert: Tantrums are a natural part of growing up. And as exhausting as they can be, they’re actually a sign that your child is developing.

It’s a tough age for little ones as they’re still learning to express their feelings. Anything from being too tired to not having a snack (or closing the Peppa Pig YouTube tab too early!) can trigger a meltdown. But the key is how we handle these situations.

The good news? With a few of our strategies (and tons of patience), you can navigate the treacherous toddler waters without losing your mind. 

Let’s jump in.

Understanding Meltdowns

Let’s break it down: Little ones haven’t quite mastered the art of expressing themselves. They’re still figuring out what all these big emotions mean and how to talk about them. So, when they’re super frustrated, hungry (or should we say hangry?), or really tired, it’s a no-brainer that a meltdown happens.

Let’s take a closer look at what triggers tantrums:

• Tiredness: When kids are knackered, their patience tank runs on empty.
• Hunger: A growling tummy can lead to a grumpy mood.
• Overstimulation: Too much noise, too many people or too much activity can overwhelm kids, leading to those mega meltdowns.
• Frustration: Not getting their own way or not being able to do something can lead to frustration and irritability. Toddlers may kick, bite, cry or squeal – all “normal” responses, but all equally stressful for parents.
• Feeling sick: Outbursts may happen when our little ones feel under the weather, like when they’re teething or have the flu.
• Attention: Kids often act out when the limelight isn’t on them, especially if they feel overlooked or bored.

Remember that toddlers aren’t trying to be naughty when tantrums occur. There’s always a reason behind their meltdowns, whether they’re feeling overwhelmed, hungry or tired. 

Prevention Is Better Than Cure

Nobody said having kids was easy. But, a little preparation can go a long way in curbing meltdowns at the grocery store, park or home. While there’s no Fairy Godmother to wave a magic wand to completely stop toddler temper tantrums (or family conflicts), there are a few ways parents can encourage good behaviour before a tantrum erupts.

Here’s how:

• Stick to the plan: Consistent routines provide a sense of security and predictability, even for younger children. Things like sticking to the same nap and snack time can help reduce stress and meltdowns.
• Plan ahead: Running errands with a tired kid is a recipe for disaster. Instead, plan your day around your toddler’s sleep or snack time to make sure they aren’t cranky. This also means having extra snacks (and pre-loaded episodes of Cocomelon) on hand!
• Give warning: Give your child a heads-up between activities to minimise surprises and frustration. For instance, instead of suddenly saying, “Time to go home” (and whisking them away from playtime), you could say, “[Name], we’ll be going home in five minutes.” 
• Praise good behaviour: Give your little one extra hugs and cuddles when they behave well. Shifting the focus to positive behaviour can help them learn which actions are and aren’t acceptable. 

Teaching emotional regulation skills

• Label emotions: Using a calming tone, help explain what your child is feeling by naming the emotions. For example, you could say, “I know you’re upset because so-and-so took your toy. That made you feel sad, right?”.
• Validate feelings: Let your toddler know that their feelings are valid. Avoid brushing off their emotions or telling them to “stop crying”. Instead, say something like, “It’s okay to feel mad/sad/excited sometimes.”
• Teach coping skills: Teach your child simple coping strategies to manage their emotions. This could be anything from counting to 10, taking five deep breaths or taking a short break.
• Lead by example: Children learn from actions, not words. The way we parents deal with situations has a direct impact on our kids – including how we manage our own emotions and [talk about our feelings]!

Expert tips

Here’s a really handy tip from NSPCC:

“Depending on your child’s age, you could also try the ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1’ activity. Ask them to name:

• Five things they can see.
• Four things they can touch.
• Three things that are red.
• Two things you could taste.
• One thing that is noisy.”

Dealing With Tantrums

Every child is different, which means no two tantrums are the same. But the key is to stay calm – as hard as it may seem. The truth is, reacting angrily only makes things worse, as everyone becomes riled up and frustrated. And this does more damage than good.

Don’t get us wrong – we totally understand that some days are harder for parents than others. When feeling at the end of your rope, you could try these steps:

• Stop.
• Breathe.
• Then calmly respond.

Here are some more suggestions:

• Stay calm: Remember, little eyes are always watching, so staying calm can help them learn to calm down, too.
• Offer comfort and support: Sometimes, our children just need some extra attention, like a hug, when feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps your toddler has been feeling left out ever since their baby sibling arrived, or perhaps they want some alone time to calm down.
• Set boundaries: Avoid giving in to their tantrums, as this can reinforce the behaviour. Instead, set clear and consistent boundaries. For instance, if your toddler is throwing a tantrum because they want a toy, calmly say, “I understand you want your toy, but throwing a tantrum isn’t going to help. You can have the toy when you calm down.”
• Time out: Depending on your child’s age, consider time-out zones at home. This means placing them in a boring spot (away from electronics or toys) for a couple of minutes until they have calmed down.
• When all else fails: Sometimes, there is no logical explanation for your kids’ outbursts. In these instances, you could try distracting your toddler with something nearby, like a book or flowers in the garden. This helps divert their attention elsewhere and diffuses the situation.

What Happens Next? 

Once your little ones’ emotions have subsided, the calm after the storm is the perfect time to help them learn to use their words to express their feelings. These post-tantrum chats are invaluable life lessons, allowing our kids to build emotional awareness.

Encourage them to use their words

Start by gently talking about their outburst and what might have triggered it. For instance, you could say, “I know you were really upset when your sister took your toy. Can you tell me what happened and how that made you feel?”. 

By showing your child that you understand and empathise with their feelings, you create a safe space for them to express themselves freely. You can also teach them about different emotions by role-playing scenarios or using simple phrases like “I feel [emotion]” when they’re feeling overwhelmed or triggered.

Reinforcing positive behaviour

When children use words instead of throwing a fit, make sure to praise them, A LOT. Say things like, “I’m so proud of you for telling me you were upset instead of crying or shouting.” This shows them that you appreciate their effort, which can hopefully stop temper tantrums in their tracks!

You can also use small rewards to encourage good behaviour, but it doesn’t have to be anything big or chocolate-coated. A simple sticker on their reward chart or a few extra minutes of playtime can do the trick.

When To Seek Help

While temper tantrums are a normal part of growing up, it’s important to look for signs that might signal a larger issue. Here are some signs to watch out for:

• Frequent tantrums: If your child’s tantrums are intense, happen often or cause disruption to daily life, it’s important to address these issues with a professional.
• Age: If tantrums continue (or become more intense) by the time your toddler is four years old, it’s a good idea to seek medical help. 
• Delayed development: If you notice your toddler is struggling with their emotions, words or social skills, it might be best to talk to their paediatrician.
• Changes in behaviour: It’s important to get professional help if you see big changes in your kids’ behaviour, like being more aggressive, increased anxiety or withdrawing from social situations.
• Parental well-being: If you and your partner often feel overwhelmed or stressed due to your kids’ tantrums, it might mean you’re in need of external help. 

The Conversation Continues

Meltdowns are a normal part of growing up. While they can be tough to handle, they give us a chance to teach our little ones some really valuable life skills. 

From working out what sets them off to helping them label the emotions they feel, we’re teaching them how to manage their emotions in a healthy way – without all the drama!

Please share your thoughts, tips or suggestions in the comments below – we’re in this together!

We’d love to hear what you think…